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The suits at the conference table aren’t necessarily paying attention, but they are impressed. Not only are the charts and graphs well-proportioned and color-coordinated, but they are likely based on actual statistics.

“Superlative work,” says the CEO from Germany.

“You should be proud,” says another from Sweden.

The young executive thanks them and politely asks them not to interrupt his presentation.

Before long, he has several blank checks in hand for his project, whatever it is. No one has really grasped the details, but his demeanor is so charming, and his graphic design so clean, that they all feel assured of a return on their investment.

He shakes their hands as they leave the room. “Tell your wife I said hi,” he says to a stone-faced Argentinian. “Hey, have you lost weight? Let’s play golf sometime.” He doesn’t pay attention to whom he’s talking, and they don’t bother answering. They are perfectly content to trade their total financial faith to him for one of a dozen niceties.

When the conference table is cleared and he’s alone, he takes out a pack of Double-Mint gum and slides a sliver into his mouth. He is cool. He is who he wants to be. He washes the gum down with a Coca-Cola. He drives home in his new Nissan Altima, but stops at a McDonald’s on the way.

He makes love to his wife, and as they lie together in a cuddle, he says to her, “Sealy Posturepedics are the only mattresses on the market that offer comfort and support for a wide variety of uses.”

She doesn’t know what he’s talking about, but she loves him. As she covers his sweat-glistened body in Hershey’s Chocolate Syrup, she gives a cheerful thumbs up.

By @nohoperadio - Leah Lindsaychen

Facilitator and Proprietor of Tales of Insecurity, a podcast of post-modern existential horror. I like to make the best of a bad situation, and also to make better ones. I'm here to be helpful!

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