The Middle – Part 3

King Gorgon is asleep
He can't attack while he's asleep
I raised you better than that
You Are Not a Monkey
repeat after me
I Am Not a Monkey
I Am Not a Monkey
say it
I am not a monkey
and get down from there
We were so young then
back then
virtual reality was still a fantasy
a closet dream that had no place
but in the future
we used to argue
on the nature of
and whether dragons were concrete
I was right
and I was still right
but I've decided to change my mind
for you!
and believe that concrete objects
and only those that I can see
in the moment that I see them
The phonebook This lamp
my keys as soon as I
get them out of my pocket
My keys
I do this so I can sleep
without nightmares of resentment
and innocence

Though I admit
I did have an ulterior motive
for calling you
Remember our trip to Montreal?
phenomena of
hero worship
and each
and every
a monkey
I Am Not
what I wanted to ask
was whether you've ever fallen
a great distance
and had your fall interrupted
by a patient and strong friend
who catches you
and spins you around
and sets you gently on the ground
I've thought about it a great deal
and I have a terrible urge
to catch you
is that sick
is that wrong
just the thought of you falling
and I imagine myself underneath
waiting with open arms
hiding under a tree
and moments before you strike
the ground
I pounce and wrap my arms
around your thighs
and The Middle of your torso
and though your weight
and your momentum
threaten to send us both to the ground
your force and I would struggle
and I would win
and throw you up
A Monkey

The 1000 de La Gauchetière
is the tallest skyscraper
in the world
in the city of Montreal
It is as tall as any building
in the world
in the city of Montreal
is allowed to be


-Official Ordinance, The World

Toronto’s CN Tower
is nearly Two and Three-Quarter times
the height of the 1000 de La Gauchetière
and has appeared in almost Four Times
as many movies

there was big trouble
in the little city
Nero had a chill
the worst feeling he knew
and he wanted none of us
to be cold like him
Mrs. O'Leary's shrine was set
with no room for the cow
The Invaders of Alexandra
had overdue parchments
and could not 
afford to pay the fines
We Don't Have Time
to play these games
How Can You Expect Me
to applaud and otherwise
Show Support
when you treat our relationship
like we are an
Intercollegiate Sporting Club
that only plays night games
her voice was like the wind
and when she spoke
I had a terrible urge
to put on a coat
and shiver
and dangle tiny pinwheels
attached to the tops
of tiny planes
from the tips
of her nose

A Great Effort from one of our most Promising Young Writers!

I don’t think I understood it!

A work so great that it destroys literature as a concept, including itself!

When time machines are invented, someone will kill Hitler, others will save Jesus and Socrates and Gandhi and Lincoln and King and Kennedy maybe Lennon, and someone will prevent this book from leaving Lomax’s troubled mind!

A tremendous introductory work!


There is something in this book that is and will be fundamental to Western Thought!

Future generations will curse Mr. Lomax’s name […] if they retain the ability to use and process language!

It was fine! I’ve read worse!

I don’t think I understood it!

I really didn’t understand!

Let’s go back to Canada
Let’s go back and see
the things we didn’t see
in Canada
and maybe we can talk
about the things we see
in Canada
and fall for each other again

Absolutely Ambitious!

I didn’t enjoy it and I believe that it will taint my view of books in general for the remainder of my life!

A fabulous work! but nothing good will come from it!

Don’t push me.

I actually didn’t read it, but my opinion is still valid!

Can I talk to you?
Ha ha you took my nose
that’s really cute
Can I talk to you?
Can I be serious with you
for the first time in our lives?
Can I talk to you
about my feelings?
Can I open
my heart
like a book
that no one’s ever read?

Open heart

Can I talk to you?
Ha ha you took my nose
that’s really cute
Can I talk to you?
Can I be serious with you
for the first time in our lives?
Can I talk to you
about my feelings?
Can I open
my heart
like a book
that no one’s ever read?

Open heart

The Middle part 2

everybody sing along!
Father MacKenzie
writing the words to a sermon
that no one will hear
doodoodoo Doo Doo
doodoodoo DOO doodoo DOO
doodoo DOO doodoo DOOooo
Please don't sing if you don't know the words.
Please. It's insulting
disrespectful not to mention annoying
Go back to Motown
if you're going to doowop all over the place
you need to relax
it's not abusive
it's love
it's what everybody talks about
the best part of what they talk about
if you want disgusting
you should fixate yourself
on coitus
on vanilla heterosexual sex
so squishy
so unbalanced
such an odd smell
I love you
little woman

you are
the only girl for me

you have such
they are
so cute
I like pretending
that you are under 18
it makes me feel powerful
little lady
and I love you
my big little man

you are
my boyfriend

your belly button
excites me
and is ticklish
I like pretending
to be young
so I can negate my own consent
without any extra preparations
and only the regular trauma

no one comes near
real music comes from the hipbone
that man on the slide trombone
knows the pelvis is the keystone
as he spins his wisdom through his brass telephone
his homespun notes are all handsewn
crotch music is all there is for the alone

If you skipped the earlier chapter,
you may have missed the instructions
for completing the sink fold
it’s simpler than it looks
and will add a refined appearance
to any origami design
if the figure demands it.
Like any tool,
the sink fold can be abused,
but you can use it to round corners
and create new corners
that you can fold into legs
or tusks as in the case of
the elephant below


no blame

I can only think
of two of the lesser animals
that trumpet
Elephants of course
and the Trumpeter Swan
They have completely different
playing styles however.

The elephant believes in tradition
the tradition presented
for over thirty-five hundred years
since the trumpet was first invented
in Ancient Egypt by the Ancient Egyptians
to mimic the sound of an elephant.

The swan uses a mute
and does not adhere
to any particular scale

he rushes to the water
and sticks his head into the brine
like an ostrich turning invisible
as he breathes the moisture
color comes back into his face
but we cannot tell
because the water is blue
He rushes to the water
and sticks his head into the water
and watches a fish fly by
The fish pretends to ignore the dragon
but we watch him turn the corner
and hide behind the corner
watching the head of the dragon
as he gasps for air
in the water
we are led to believe
that the fish has an agenda
of his own
He rushes to the water
craning his head into the flow
but his way is impeded by his friends
who shake their heads in intervention
The dragon points to his throat
frantically to express
the concept
that his throat is no longer functional
without the use of his inner fire
which has been quenched
and that now he must depend on his makeshift gills
in order to carry out the most basic functions
He rushes to the water
I spent the day singing
in my room
songs of self-loathing
to the tune of Camptown Races
My life is a useless waste
I have no redeeming traits
and lays his head against
the surface of the water
He tries to stick his head underneath
but it continually buoys to the surface
He jumps into the water
in desperation
diving deeper
flailing his limbs
to send himself down
His head remains
on the surface
of the water
and as his body descends
closer to the floor of the aquarium
his ineffective neck extends
as he coughs and otherwise
on the surface
of the water

she oiled him like a cuspidor rebuffed
his shell with thoughtful remedies
going to run all night
going to run all day
It's not as if I haven't tried to speak
to you I watch sometimes when you are out
and walking with a friend of yours and you
two speak together so concerned about
the state of theater in the minds of your
contemporaries All you want is to
be watched I think as I while driving in
my car transformed into machinery
no longer any man except for that
inside the beast who travels at high speeds
continue to remove myself from your
and others' judgments as an act of mercy
even though I would also like to be
observed sometimes and seen in grateful

PRINCESS REGINA used Devastating Blow!
KING GORGON laughed away the pain!

KING GORGON is unaffected by Kiss of Death!
What doesn’t kill him only makes him stronger!

UNSUNG HERO used Relieve!
It doesn’t affect PRINCESS REGINA…
KING GORGON suddenly feels much better!
KING GORGON’s LUCK increased!
KING GORGON’s LUCK maxed out!

KING GORGON is sleeping
He can’t attack when he’s asleep

KING GORGON is sleeping
He can’t attack while he’s asleep

KING GORGON is sleeping
He can’t attack while he’s asleep

i was
born a
i will
die a
where else
can i
live but
here in

In the modern era
conspiracy theories
are the
beliefs we
can count on

phenomena of hero worship
and each and every
are but one of the myriad
the global setup of mass
as one experience
are equally
consequences arisen from
leads to the same
interchangeable terms
  • There are many things that I am not
    Among these is a SADOMASOCHIST

  • One thing I learned from HUMPHREY BOGART
    when he took me under his wing
    and taught me how to be adored
    was how to be adored

  • all you ever do
    is sit around aloof
    and pretend to smoke cigarettes

  • It’s time you sent yourself
    into this world in a package saying
    you may already be a winner

Virginity is a trait

  • Virginity
  • is a trait
    • of the young
    • the virtuous
    • and the ugly
  • how can I tell
  • which one I am
how could you accuse
him of misogyny
that's like calling him a racist
or someone who hates the disabled
and the gays
and the people with political persuasions
he's above that
and only hates
professional philosophers
and optical physicians
and certain obstetricians
and their clients
Many people were solemn
She had planned for these circumstances
and had set up a series of lies years ago
that she could subvert at any time
and win approval for her divine change
and so achieve sainthood
without an act of GOD

KING GORGON is sleeping
He can’t attack while he’s asleep

(I learned my lesson
from the sadomasochism thing
I will never deny my necrophilia
until I am accused)

As the bears gave chase
Goldilocks searched in desperation
for a place to hide
She came upon a house
made of straw
but the house was too organic
for her tastes
and reminded her vaguely
of childhood
on her grandmother's farm
She searched in desperation
and came upon a house
constructed of bricks
and mortar
with even three-quarter inch
concave joints
but the house was too industrial
and made her feel out of touch
with some abstraction of womanhood
me fa sol me do
me fa sol te, la sol la
sol fa sol fa me fa
every rose and tulip
must be peeled
anything with layers
must be peeled
Civil War reenactments
must be peeled
Vanilla Wafers
must be peeled
Wedding Cakes
must be peeled
and any debate
(lives in a dream)
She searched in desperation
and came upon a house
of treelimbs stacked upon each other
in no discernible pattern
that she could discern
with the struts
not exactly sixteen inches
and the woodgrain
occasionally facing different directions
The bears were coming
so she decided to redecorate
i was
born a
i will
die a
moth will
get me
out of
she held him like a favorite pillow
fluffed him up with affectionate virginites

The Middle part 1

when he fell out of my car
I didn't have the heart to tell him that
I had thought he was the killer
hold me don't walk out that door
if you leave me now then
she turned him into Rice-a-Roni stuffed
him into Mardi Gras festivities
two dozen
there's no why I'm paying for two dozen
when I didn't order one
The Chinatown busline doesn't stop
in Little Italy
not at this time of night
not for you
sit down you cow
I will have my way whether you
now then
when you got on that train
ten cats were born to a single mother
and each one of them will be killed
and buried alive
and where will you be
she sipped him through a distant straw and puffed
him through her bubble pipe extremities
if you've made it this far
the inside reverse fold will
be no problem for you
when the time comes
since she never got her nose back
she assumed you her uncle still had it
and she wanted it back
and she'd do anything she could
to get her way
she would walk to the ends
of Mars through all the various canyons and craters
and Arizonan landscapes
to the place where she thought you made your home
and there in the kitchen she would find you
her uncle tucked underneath pastrami on rye
waiting for her like milk in the 1920s
a doorstep's abandoned child
whose mother's knew she wouldn't be enough for
even though she made the difficult choice
to bring her into this world
despite the boyfriends and parents who urged her
and read her Ernest Hemingway in order to convince her
of the folly of mankind and the reciprocation of mankind
and how the growing of new generations
in pure destruction through the rule of balance
which before they had only used
to choose movies from the library
to watch with friends on a vacant night
she drained him like an open sore
a tuft of sea to filter through anemones
one man
it's difficult for me to say
exactly what gathers us here today
the bond of marriage is so mysterious
their families sometimes
I suppose that's who you are
how are you doing today
I'm no good at speeches
that are not about the
resurrection of Christ Jesus
Our Redeemer in Grace
God rest His soul
one woman
in the beginning of each episode of Quantum Leap 
the main character (Sam Beckett, no relation) 
would have to figure out who he was and what the episode was about 
and then he would say Oh Boy 
but in an apprehensive way and not in 
I gave my love a million dollars 

I gave my love a car 

I gave my love a studded collar 

I gave my love a scar

I gave my love a thousand dollars 

each on its own behalf 

I told her secrets no one knows 

and all she did was laugh

The dragons can be seen
examining their reflections 
in the water 
one of them sticks his head 
underneath the water
and examines the effects 
of the water
on his fiery breath 
the other dragons are pensive
worried about the physiological effects
of the dragon's actions

(gurgling underneath the water)
This is a sensation
unlike any other sensation
that I have had before!

he sniffs the water 
into his lungs and releases 
a long sigh 
the other dragons have lined up behind him 
and are gripping 
onto his tail like campers playing tug of war 
they pull him out 
the dragon huffs 
and puffs 
and glares


CocaCola has been shown
to be acidic in certain situations.
An experiment was performed where
a number of university students
used lead and steel fragments
as icecubes in a jar of CocaCola,
and after a set amount of time,
they returned to the sample
to find that the icecubes had melted.
This experiment was never performed
using Pepsi products

and that’s why I drink Pepsi
Some people choose to drink Royal Crown
but another experiment proved
that ants will flock to Royal Crown Cola residue
more quickly than to any
other mass marketed
commercial soft drink formula
including but not limited
to Seven (7) Up

You’ve done well to get this far, but I’m not one to take these insults lightly! Did you really think you were

going to get away with this? Did you think that I was just going to let you march into my fortress and take

over the throne which I so rightfully stole?

>I thought so
>I didn’t think so

Insolent fools! Prepare to meet your end!

Pathetic fools! At least you know your place!

she held him with
an open hand
and cuffed so freely
he paid his
I'm sorry I have to end it here
there's really nothing else for me to say
I've gone through every word I know
completely excised my vocabulary
and expressed every concept that still
has meaning through my echolalia
I'm really sorry
I know you wanted more
but I have nothing more to give
one man died at the end of the rainbow
one man died on the back of the bus
one man died at the hand of his neighbor
one man died at the height of his lust
one man lived
one man died in a mineshaft explosion
one man died like a bobblehead doll
one man died with the scream of the ocean

repossessing unpaid sandcastles
Hold me Don't walk out that door
If you leave me now then
I'll have no one else to turn
I'll have nothing else to live
I won't know what
I won't be able to apologize
to you
it doesn't have to end this way
can't you simply rough me up a bit?

I’m sorry We are unable to understand your query Please hang up and try again or come see us in person

Ming Lan’s Guide to Social Media

The Story of Ming Lan is 2018 Chinese Drama about a Concubine’s Daughter in the Northern Song Dynasty and the challenges she faces in just the worst world. She’s clever and talented and quickly finds out that this is not as much of a blessing as one might expect. Because she wins a game of touhu, basically an old kind of horseshoes with arrows in pots, she draws attention to herself and then can reveal to her father that someone is stealing all the coal from her pregnant mother’s allotment. They are all shivering. This little bit of attention results in their trusted servant getting framed for the theft, and then her loss (and some other factors) later results in her mother’s miscarriage and death. And so, Ming Lan quickly, painfully learns how to hide.

Ming Lan's little mother gives dying advice: Don't stand out.

I am a person with a lot of social anxiety. My fears extend even online. I’m don’t like to speak until I’m spoken to, and who can ever find me? Not being seen is a specialty of mine, and as I’m watching this series, I’m identifying very strongly with this idea, that there’s little to gain from showing off, especially within a society that is both lavish and austere like theirs and ours. Ours is somewhat more accessible, and you can find your secret outlets without having to make a fuss, but also we are in an age where branding is a substitute for identity, and even rejecting that outright is pretentious. You have to participate somewhat. You like to like and subscribe at least, even if you’re not uploading reaction vids.

Ming Lan’s 4th older sister Molan follows the opposite path and demands all the attention she can get. She manipulates and begs and uses poetry and calligraphy as weapons for her own social betterment. She has her eye on all the eligible bachelors, who of course, focus on the gentle and demure Ming Lan. Ming Lan treats their attention as a burden, and rightly so. When Ming Lan receives presents from them, she knows it’s best to just distribute them to her sisters instead of keeping them for herself, as the cost for having nice things is the jealousy of her peers, and consequently their resentment and schemes. Instead, she develops a relationship with her grandmother, in private, away from prying eyes, and learns all the details about the world and how it works from someone wise.

She learns not to envy. Perhaps some freedom to move around and play polo as well as she can without worrying would be nice, but once anyone sees you asserting yourself, if they don’t feel you deserve your social cache, they want to take you down a notch, like being in a position gets you tangible rewards. Once the nazis and the terfs find your twitter, there is no negotiation. But you have to participate in society somehow, right?

Ming Lan, kneeling, says: Our Reputation is easily ruined.

I’m sure she has more to teach me. I’m not done with the series yet. It’s very long. For now, I just want to focus on the trusted people around me and not worry about building a public persona. One will eventually come about I’m sure if I continue to focus on my own interests, just as Ming Lan came to be in one of the most popular television series in the world, with over 400 million people watching it in its first three days. I am more of a coward than Ming Lan, and I don’t want that kind of attention, but I do trust her mother’s message of safety. For now, I will just stay on this boat and cry.

#chinese-dramas, #ming-lan, #personal, #social-anxiety, #social-media

Episode 35: Starting Over Again (Again)

This week:
An Annoyed Astronaut!
Prom Victims!
The Pixlies!
A Parrot and Various Emergencies!
And please welcome our new producer, Shauna.

The Pixlies: Symphony of the Goddess Music Video


From Introducing: The Pixlies


The Pixlies Debut

Album available on Bandcamp:

Episode 2:01 Starting Over, Again

Featuring: Kathryn the Critic!
Cis Het Whites: Divorce!
Musical Theater!
Rocket Bees!
and more!

Part 6: Immobility

Another thing that’s nice about the default themes is that a good many of them, these ones specifically, are already optimized for mobile, so that anything you do will be reflected across platforms, so that users will have roughly the same experience whether they see your site on desktop, phone, ipad, or other device.

Once you start customizing the CSS, however, you have to check a few more things. Last night was the first time I looked at my site on mobile since I added the columns in part two, and it was truly horrifying.


The website of an aspiring professional.

This was a terrible and desperate situation, and something had to be done about it immediately. And so, as soon as I had drawn a cute seal to somehow illustrate the point of “having mobile difficulties” I set to work.


You get so excited sometimes that you always miss the bus.

Of course, if all else fails, I can disable the columns. I am not married to the columns. That’s the root of the difficulty here, and essentially what I want to happen, just on the mobile site. I do like the way they look on the desktop site, but is there a convenient way to seperate the layout of the two pages?

Let’s take a look at the layouts. You can do so conveniently by looking at the bottom of your CSS window.

Screen Shot 2018-07-13 at 5.27.19 PM

Desktop, tablet, and smartphone.

Our previous methods of examining the layout of the page prove fruitless here. All the elements have the same classes, the same code attached to them. There are additional layout elements in the browser to make this page look like a mobile site, but they won’t appear anywhere else.

In the CSS help on the WordPress site, they mention a class, so assuming everything follows the same structure from there: article {
column-count: 1;

Huh, it didn’t work. Oh, I know. Let’s try: article {
column-count: 1 !important;

Still nothing. How about: {
column-count: 1 !important;
display: none;

and the one time I expect nothing, nothing happens. Meaning, nothing changes. I don’t think the class is current.

Unfortunately, the solution I found is a little hard to deduce. I had to crawl on the forums and find a similar syntax to apply to my situation. In the end, the code I put in was:

@media screen and (max-width:960px) {
article {
column-count: 1;

and now everything looks nice and clean. Except those tables.

Screen Shot 2018-07-13 at 5.30.18 PM

It’s not alligned right. It’s not floating right. What’s going on?

I guess it gives me more reasons to come back.